Monday, January 28, 2013

The luck of the Irish this time I did it ! ..a budget flight..Irish no not Airlingus or some other sexual connection..
worse Ryan air....
Bejesus !, what a process...just to get the flight booked !...its a mine on the wrong button, or sequence and you end up paying quadrillions for baggage, insurance to cover the entire passenger list of the Titanic, seating arrangements for an Indian wedding and the wake afterwards…
So armed with my boarding card and the VERY clear instructions that should I appear at the airport with anything else in baggage other than booked I will pay the national debt of Somalia for the next three years as a fine, I cheerfully approach my local Ryanair ex-airforce base.
Surprisingly the little lady is pleasant as she tells me I have “priority boarding” and to go straight through….to the waiting line, in the waiting collection area, sub-divided into those “who have” and those “who don´t”, in the communal waiting room.
After seeing the brake smoke of the landing plane, we are “ordered to gather…passports open, tickets in hand for the 13;30 pm dash at Braintree…..its 60m across the tarmac…
…those that have are let off the leash first….elbows and expressly checked (dimensions & weight) carry-on baggage flapping in the driven snow!!....only to find the steps are still being dragged into place…
Wet and “priveliged” I slip into 2 F only to find that my on board luggage has no place above my seat and cannot be placed at my feet ! disappears backwards…oh woe…I can imagine what happens when we land …
Seats built for the legless, non-tippable—succulent blue leather slippery and worn through!
Well its only for an hour and half they promise…doors close..middle seat takers dawdling and being hurried by Polish and Spanish speakers barking commands to SIT…and we are off….
Levelling out drinks at Ascot prices, and A5 greasy spoon tastes are quickly dispensed…asked all three 2D , E and F managed in unison to move their legs from left to right!.with those polite excuse me smiles !
…a fanfare rouses us all to inform us that …yes Ryanair has done it again, arrived on time that is…and not a moment too soon..anticipation rises..freedom…arrival and disembarkation…talk about the last helicopter leaving Saigon..but in reverse ! Sinking ship comes to mind !..
No ladies and gentlemen…if at all finances allow….TAP…no not the Portugese National airlines…but sound advice….
Take Another Plane !


  1. I am pleased that the reason for the trip went well!

    The BMI flight I took out of Stansted to come and see you all those years ago was truly awful.

    The airport you flew out from, was that the old Canadian AFB? That was where I was introduced to the gentle art of ice hockey...

    1. ...BMI as a daughter of British Aiways was surely the place for those that didnt quite make the grade and wanted to be home for tea types....better dressed and schooled than a British Rail Char Lady..but as about as much good...but they got you I know how Ryan air started.

      and by the way dear bros...we were introduced to slab sized steaks, widow makers..AFN radio...and whisky and Rye as far as I recall..

  2. I don't fly anymore. I flew across the Pacific 5 times in a Constellation with propellers and they don't go far on a tank of gas so we always had to stop either at Midway Island or at Wake Island and the Navy who runs the kitchens there don't always know how to fix a meal that is up to government specs. If we were able to take off without running into two more more flocks of Gooney Birds, we usually ended up in Honolulu, Hawaii before it was even considered a state. From there is was a civilian airline that cross the waters and the Golden Gate Bridge.

    1. Gooney Birds...spike he makes me does anything or anyone who who can see the funny side in a serious situation....

      landing in Birmingham one night to hear a chirpy Capt. welcoming us to Edinburgh...and watching the faces of those duped..shocked...worried and then relieved to assume he was joking !....only to realise he meant it!..Priceless...

  3. Have you seen this?