Getting an upgrade…..is really quite simple…starts with your FF card registration.

Most of the newly wedded flyers applying to be a junior FF are of course both honest, and have too much pride…they are after all Managers….regional, area, specific or otherwise…that’s why they are allowed to fly business in the first place.

So off they go and fill out the forms…Occupation: MANAGER…smirking and smiling they don’t realise they have just committed the ultimate failure…doomed to never upgrade unless they have played the points game….collecting bravely, suffering all those long flights to go from blue to silver to GOLD, before they have enough miles to actually waste on taking an UPGRADE…for what?..they are already flying business thanks to their bosses´ generosity.

Do they use up all that hard earned miles to up to First…three years of suffering to fly one stretch in First, and then what happens…as it is a day flight…..and under 6 hrs…the airline uses the oldest planes which are due to be flogged off as first rate equipment to those states that believe having an ex-european run and maintained plane will enrich their fleet with at least one in which the seats recline, lights work and the toilets aren´t stuffed.

And our luckless FF…lands up in the front row of what is now First, yet was business, and has used up all his well, hard earned miles to get there, sadly to see that the seats are the same only leather (slippy, sodding, things) and the service mildly nicer, flower holder on wall, and two glasses of champers before TO, yet otherwise the same…..ah what a disappointment ..now if he had listened to daddy…

When filling out the form…I filled in neatly and with no bad conscience whatever…security advisor..or Fireman…policeman..even  survival trainer….why ? you may ask,, why demote yourself! For gods sake man, that suit cost a fortune, you are a MANAGER for gods sake…yes and that why you get B or E seats on short hauls when you boss refuses the elite business class….

You see…if you can´t get upgraded then you want to secure that most limited of commodities

on any flight…leg room. So by entering security, fireman, police…you’ve indicated you are stress resistant, know how to react in an emergency etc…(you should really feel suitable before you do this lives are at stake)..and guaranteed a midget would get an emergency exit seat….

A million miles on your account and a two pm flight gets you an upgrade to First from Business in real airlines like Emirates, Gulf and the like. Only DEATH on Lufthansa gets a bed like travel arrangement as an upgrade!…..although a body bag in the toilet has been known as usual ! no matter in which class you originally entered the plane….

Well dressed at check in on an afternoon flight also has worked if they are not overbooked and you have reached gold class…

And asking for the station manager, or have the luck to be recognised by the duty manager!,

But, all in all. An upgrade to first is after all! better than the captains seat….at least you can sleep and drink whilst travelling ..he can´t. …..Smile…